Today started like any other day…nothing special, until I saw the Facebook “one year ago today”…thanks for the reminder! To be honest, I’d been thinking about it early last week, but completely forgot this morning.
Last year, on March 4th, I chose to shave my hair off – it was my choice, it was the one thing I wanted to have a say in. I didn’t want to hop in the shower one day and have clumps of hair in my hands…I’ll be honest, I would have lost it, it would have been too much to handle. I also had it resemble a party, so it was easier for Olivia and Jaxson – they would be the two main people to shave my head, with my “niece” Lilly-bug stepping in at one point. This way, it wasn’t as scary for them and let’s be honest, it wasn’t as scary for me. I don’t think I could have stood in the bathroom with clippers – I’d have been crying too hard.
I also did this – one last family photo that looked like we were “normal”. Sure, you could see my port, I was only 5 weeks post-surgery, and I was very thin – if you look really closely at my eyes, you can tell something wasn’t right. And the poor girl that did my hair at the Breeze Blow Dry Bar that day was sooo good…I felt terrible for her, my hair was coming out in clumps. But I wanted one more photo of all of us together, with hair, without the “scars” from what was to come…and little did we know, one year later it wouldn’t just be me growing my hair back, my Dad would be too.
As luck would have it, the next morning when I got in the shower…almost all of my hair fell out – body hair, hair on my head, all of it. At that point in time whomever was at my house with me would stay in my bedroom while I showered in case something were to happen; I screamed for my friend Kim and I’m pretty sure she thought something had happened that was worse than my hair falling out. I wasn’t panicking, I was more shocked I’d just beat all of this to the punch. If I’d have waited any longer, there wouldn’t have been much to shave off. How many days post my first round of chemo was it?? 13 days…almost exactly what they told me it would be.
However you decide to let your hair go, do it for you…not because this is what everyone else is doing. And guess what, a year later, it’s going to be much better!